i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
