Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
