I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
