you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
