I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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