i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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