I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
