i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
