I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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