I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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