She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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