how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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