I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
