I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
