D3 body, D1 cock
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
