your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
