I am in a vortex of obligation.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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