My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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