Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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