I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
