i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
