I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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