I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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