ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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