If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
