Im at strip club and am horny
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
