What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
