Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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