Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
