What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
