I just pynch a tree in the face
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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