so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
