Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
