ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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