I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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