somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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