i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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