Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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