He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
