Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
