just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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