saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
