Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
