Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
