when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
