I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
