HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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