your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
