My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
