having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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