My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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